


How To Annoy Your Spidey

by RittaPokie



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Blowjobs, M/M, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:08:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RittaPokie/pseuds/RittaPokie
Summary: HHHAH look it's just I got INSPIRED ok???? it just sorta happens that way sometimes , at 9am on a tuesday okayInspired by: https://spideadpoolfacts.tumblr.com/post/176227671024/one-of-spideys-favorite-battle-move-is-blinding





	How To Annoy Your Spidey

“Don’t tell me this is the first time you took one in the eye.”

It’s a sentence that’s been stuck in Wade’s head all week long. Spidey had webbed him in the eyes - fair, he usually deserves that - but that isn’t what’s bothering him. Of course, the answer to that is no. It’s not the first time he took one in the eye, one meaning both webs and other...more thought-provoking things. That doesn’t bother him either, it’s more that he didn’t expect anything like that to come out of Spidey’s mouth, least of all to _him_.

He still doesn’t know what to think about it, so he has been thinking _everything_ about it. The most pressing thing on his mind, which he has been continuously kicking himself for not saying, is: don’t tell me this is the first time you shot one in someone’s eyes. The whole ordeal presents a question that he desperately needs to know the answer to. The problem with that is that he can’t just go up to Spidey and say that out of context. Well, he could, but he wouldn’t get the answer to his question that way. The only solution is to recreate the scenario. He has to get Spidey to web him in the face again. It doesn’t sound like much of a challenge until he considers the tiny fact that he needs to be able to talk, so he can’t get webbed in the mouth, just the eyes.

He waits. He waits and waits and waits, because sometimes he goes weeks without seeing his baby boy. It’s a shame he’s going to have to get on his absolute last nerve instead of just hanging out with him, but it serves a higher purpose. It’ll be worth it, for sure, if only just to see Spidey get flustered. The good thing about the passing time is that he can formulate the perfect plan, and oh, it is the _perfect_ plan.

In the end, he doesn’t find Spidey, Spidey finds him. Come to think of it, that isn’t really terribly unusual. Wade is just wiping off his katanas when Spider-Man drops down beside him. “Ugh.” Spidey says, disgusted, even though they’re just standing around a _few_ bodies. “I should’ve known it was you.”

“They started it.” Wade shrugs. It’s true. He was trying to stick by his WWSD bracelet and behave himself, but when someone shoots at him first, that tends to go out of the window. He considers not firing the first shot an improvement that he can congratulate himself for. Not...that he shot these guys. He swipes the last of the blood off of Bea and tucks her safe into the sheaths on his back.

“Did you have to use the swords?” Spidey asks. “Isn’t it enough that you kill them, you gotta cut them up too?”

“I ran out of bullets.” He says, which is also true. He’s being so honest today. “It’s good to see you, baby boy!” He practically tackles the spider with a hug. Spidey stumbles backwards a bit, but he has no trouble taking the bulk of Wade’s weight.

“I’m gonna regret asking, but how did you run out of bullets?” Spidey asks. He avoids responding and saying he’s happy to see Wade too. That’s fine, because Wade knows that he isn’t, especially not like this.

“Nothing bad- well, vandalism, I guess. I was creating _art_.” Wade says. He points up above them to a billboard, which is full of bullet holes that line up in the shape of a penis.

Spidey snorts and then clears his throat to cover the fact that he almost laughs. “That’s not funny.” He lies. Usually, Wade would be ecstatic about making Spidey laugh, but that isn’t supposed to be the point of this meeting. He’s supposed to be annoying him.

They both decide that they should hightail it away from the scene of the crime, since there’s nothing to be done for those criminals anyway. It’s on a roof, about forty minutes later, that Wade decides to _fully_ enact his plan. Spidey is standing somewhat near the middle of the building, just enjoying the stars and sounds of the city, as he often does. Wade goes right up to him and smacks his ass, center of the left cheek. Spidey jumps, like he’s been smacked (because he has been), and spins on his heels.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asks, already seething. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and this isn’t the first time Spidey has made it clear he doesn’t appreciate it. However, unfortunately for him, that’s all just taught Wade _exactly_ how to get on his nerves.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Wade asks, sounding completely innocent. “I didn’t do nothin’.”

“You just slapped me on the ass.” Spidey says. “ _Again_.”

“Well, it’s there.” Wade says. Normally, he wouldn’t do this out of the blue. All the other times (except the first..two or three), it’s been in the middle of their lovely little quipping flirting sessions, where there’s context for it. “And I can think of at least three things you could do to stop me.”

“Don’t push your luck.” Spidey says.

“Why? Will I get lucky?” Wade winks, and even though Spidey can’t see it through the mask, he’s sure that his point gets across anyway. Spidey crosses his arms, and they’re well on their way. “You could...hm, you could break one of my ten perfect ass-slapping fingers, or web up my hands - which seems to be your personal favorite, you could stick me down _completely_. I can’t really smack your ass if I can’t move, can I?”

“You don’t have anymore self-restraint than that?” Spidey asks, sounding exasperated.

“Not when it comes to _dat ass_.” He says. He reaches around and pinches it, further infuriating Spidey, who pushes him back. “When I see it, I just gotta slap it..or pinch it. Something of the sort.”

“Well, how about you just don’t look, then?” In retrospect, Wade should’ve backed up a little more. The webs hit him square in the eyes with enough force to stagger him a little. Perfect, right where he wants to be. “ _Asshole_.”

“Wow.” Wade says, voice strained. He had almost forgotten how completely uncomfortable this was going to be. “You’re aim’s pretty good. Not the first time you’ve shot one in the eye, eh?”

Spidey is totally silent, and Wade worries he might have hopped off somewhere before hearing the question. After a minute, though, he gets an answer. “Is that what this is about?”

Not the answer he expected or wanted. Maybe he isn’t as clever as he thought he was. “Uh….dunno what you mean…” Wade says, feeling a little like he’s a train run off the rails. He had a plan, but now he’s off-script. “Is what what what is about?”

“Oh my _god_.” Spidey says. “You’re horrible. Did you do all this just to get shot in the face again? Did you? Of course you did- Wade, you’re just-” He sighs in a way that sounds like he’s on the verge of screaming in frustration.

“Okay, well, I couldn’t just _ask_ , could I? You wouldn’t have answered!” Wade says in his own defense.

“What makes you think I’m gonna answer now?” Spidey asks. “Why did you think this would work?”

“It _almost_ worked!” Wade whines. “If I’d waited longer, waited for you to forget about saying it, then it _would’ve_ and you _know_ it.”

“Well, great. You’re blind for an hour now. Was it worth it?” Spidey asks.

Wade sighs. “Not really. It would be if you were to _actually_ do it, but...yeah, I know that’s not gonna happen.”

“If I were to actually do it?” Spidey asks. He doesn’t sound too mad, so that’s good, but still very, very annoyed.

“Cum on my face, yeah.” Wade says bluntly. May as well push it, what’s the worst that could happen? Spidey is silent for such a long time that Wade is _sure_ that he’s left this time. “Baby boy?”

“Shut up. I can’t leave you like this, even if you are an idiot.” Spidey says. “A complete, total- just a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t be mean!” Wade says, making his voice high and whiny. “It was the perfect plan!”

“It didn’t work!” Spidey shouts.

“But it planted the idea in your head!” Wade argues. “And that might be a better result than just getting the answer.” He puts his hands on his hips triumphantly.

“You didn’t plant any ideas, I said it first!” The quiet that follows that line is so thick that Wade doesn’t think he can move. Right, Spidey is right. He _did_ say it first, to Wade.

“Uh-”

“Don’t say a word.” Spidey says. “Just leave it alone. For once in your life, keep your mouth shut.”

“It’s gonna be hard to bring the thought to life with my mouth shut.” Wade says. Spidey sighs again, and then Wade feels the spider’s hand on his shoulder, pushing down. Well, that’s not something he’s going to disobey. What kind of fool would he be if he did? It doesn’t fully hit him until Spidey’s fingers are tugging up the bottom of his mask. “Oh, wow, this is happening? It is and I can’t even- I can’t see it? Unfair. Unsubscribed. Blocked.”

“Consider it your punishment.” Spidey says.

“ _Oooh_ , kinky.” Wade purrs. He puts his hands up and wiggles his fingers. “Just assume the position and _punish_ me then, oh great master Spidey.”

“Don’t make it weird.” Spidey says, but he still moves until Wade can feel his hips under his hands. “Weird _er_. This is already pretty-” Wade doesn’t wait for him to finish talking before he pulls the spandex down and takes his cock into his mouth. Spidey gasps above him when he sucks gently on the still soft member.

Wade presses his thumbs into the spaces to the sides of Spidey’s hips and then touches wherever he can reach. Most importantly, he reaches around and squeezes the other’s ass. He massages the cheek that he slapped as an apology, and Spidey groans. He wasn’t fully hard until then, so Wade thinks he might have an idea of why Spidey gets _so_ flustered about having his ass smacked. He bobs his head quickly on Spidey’s erection because as much as he’d like to draw this out for hours, he has a feeling that Spidey won’t be into that right now. This was obviously a spur of the moment decision.

“Fuck.” Spidey moans. His hands find the back of Wade’s head and push him forward, which Wade is fine with. He takes Spidey’s whole cock and grabs one of the hands on the him and moves it to his throat, making sure Spidey feels the stretch there. It’s the right move, because when he pulls back for air, he can taste the saltiness of precum on his tongue. When he’s caught his breath, he swallows Spidey greedily, taking him all the way again. His throat tightens with each swallow, he repeats that a few times and then goes back to bobbing on Spidey’s cock. He grips the unattended part of the shaft in his hand and fists him at a fast pace until the spider is shaking under his other hand.

“Wade, I can’t- I’m gonna cum.” Spidey whines, his voice high and strained.

Wade pulls off and grins. “Well, as much as I’d love to swallow, I did promise to bring a specific fantasy to life.” He says, his voice hoarse. He moves his mouth to lap at Spidey’s balls while still jerking him off. It doesn’t take much of that before Spidey grunts and releases his load, right onto Wade’s face, as advertised.

“I really- I can’t believe we just-” Spidey pants. “God, you’re a complete mess.”

“Not exactly my fault.” Wade says, still smiling. “Thanks for making all of my dreams come true- all but one. Wish I coulda seen it happen.”

“ _That_ is your fault.” Spidey says.

“There’s always next time.” Wade shrugs.

“What makes you think there’ll be a next time?” Spidey asks, but he sounds amused, which makes Wade’s heart do a little dance in his chest.

“Just a hunch.”


End file.
